my friend e-mailed me the other day. it made me feel a whole lot better. i had been agonizing about e-mailing her because i wasn’t sure if it would be wanted. after my family told me they are tired of me i have little doubt of my ability to annoy and impose on people.
other than that i’ve been fine. i haven’t cut myself since a few weeks back. i tend to write and make digital art in my spare time. nothing spectacular. i am tired of myself. tired of being lonely. i feel so needy so i make sure that i’m alone so nobody will have to deal with that neediness. nothing more annoying than someone who needs you more than you need them.
i’m trying to cut back on the food intake. not drastically but enough to lose a few times. my weight has ballooned by at least ten pounds. i feel horribly fat. i was worried but happy at 97lbs but am now worried and unhappy at 110lbs. i’m such an idiot. such a pig, i need to eat less. instead of eating at night i’m sucking on ice, that tends to help.
it comforted me to hear that people actually read my ramblings. sometimes i feel so alone in all this. i think my bleak outlook on people reflects my inner fears. i fear that i am never good enough, that i am not pretty enough, that i am not smart enough, that i am basically useless.
i was inspired by the HP DVD to make something. i even have part of a story to compliment it. http://frosti.self-injury.net/art/other/images/intheshadow.jpg
*hugs* You aren’t alone…and you’re beautiful the way you are! Love you lots!
I just finished writing you an email about your site. I sounded like a blithering idiot. I am terrible with stuff like that. I want to recommend a book to you that my therapist recommended to me. It’s called “The Highly Sensitive Person.” I just wanted to point that in your direction because it helped me really understand myself because I am an HSP, and you might be one too judging from the similiarities in the things we’ve been through. The website with some information is here: http://www.hsperson.com/
Just remember, it’s really hard not to think we are imposing on other people but it’s a fear. We have to understand that people will take care of themselves and say when they feel imposed on. It’s an unfair expectation for ourselves to be able to detect this in a person. They need to be able to tell us, and most people we care about deeply will do that. I am a bloody hypocrite by saying all this. But this is what I am starting to work on myself. We should talk sometime.
I do wish the best for you.
You don’t really know me, and I have no personal background in this kind of stuff, but I do read your site, I find it very moving. I also find myself hoping for the best for you ^_^