i cut myself the other day. the first time in a while. it felt good. i wasn’t ashamed of myself and i still do not regret it. i still have the bloody glass wrapped in a paper towel on my desk. nobody has seen it. they don’t check. i don’t want them to check.
i’ve been good on eating habits. no purging. i promised and i like to keep my promises. i did not promise for this week, though. i did not.
my therapist is moving on to a new job. she’s still going to see me, just not in her office. i still want to see her but i’m uncertain of my being able to handle therapy in places less private than an office. i really don’t want to start new and start seeing a new therapist. what happens if they blackmail me or try to get me to stop cutting? cutting isn’t the issue, depression is the issue. i’m not always depressed now. i’m on and off depressed.
i got really depressed at work the other day. everyone thought i was angry. that really made me upset so i got irritated. i was depressed and quiet and hating myself. i was not fucking angry. angry, to me, means throwing things and screaming and trying to hurt people. i don’t like angry.
i was thinking of the correct way to slit my wrists. i won’t do it. too messy. but i was just thinking about it. i won’t put exactly what i thought here. don’t want to give anyone ideas. slitting your wrists is messy business. yes, it is.
I have this site you might be interested in.. I go to alot..
http://www.ruinyourlife.com/
I linked your site on mine by the way.
This girl bitch at me for it…faking it…having my own amusement with the rest of the world.
Wow. We sound a lot a like. I just ran into your journal because it was linked from my girlfriend’s journal. I have been a vutter for three years, but so far I have not cut in around a month and a half. I am getting ready to start a recovery journal and work hard to get ‘better’. Im about to lose another person in my life and I am trying to turn my life around because I can lose another person, but anyway… you don’t know me and I’m rambling in your journal. Sorry. My current journal is http://www.deadjournal.com/users/silent_tears66 and I don’t have my recovery journal made yet. Anyway I wish you the best of luck.
-Kayla
I just thought it was strange how we sounded so similar.
I hope you’re still alive. Please don’t cut yourself -
Concerned…
hey i slit my wrists too..i dont kno why but it feels good..anna
i cut my wrists and my legs are full of scars, i dont know what to do. i have had depression for 7 years, been on every medicine. in and out of the hostiptal, and things have just gone down the crapper. i just… i dont think that i can handle it anymore, i dont know what to do. everythings going wrong. i dont know what normal feels like.
please tell me the way…i love to fell pain..but i really want to just lie in an unawakening sleep…dead…in my grave…
Sometimes things hurt us…and it feels like we should die like that it would be demeaned if we didn’t die over something but each of us gets to make our own choices and my advice to everyone before they hurt themselves again is to pick up their stuff and travel go see the world before you make a hasty decision I love you nic
all i have to say is how can you really be depressed if your talking about it and saying oh poor me i’m so depressed, i do this and that if your really depressed your not going to tell people about it and say that you do all that stuff like thinking about death and cutting your wrists…i’m wasting space…but think about it….
Obviously people who talk about depression are *not* really depressed. Damn. Must tell those doctors they’re all wrong. PhDs and all.
Since you didn’t leave your e-mail I’ll just reply here. I don’t talk about my depression offline outside of continous prodding from parents or doctor’s offices. I don’t ask for or need pity from people I know in real life. Not my co-workers or fellow classmates. I just write about my depression in this silly journal and other online places and leave it at that. I’d rather write about it than deny it so I can be Teh Real Depressed Girl and Not Some Faker. Spelling error intentional.
Self-pity is ugly, though. I do hate that in myself.
L
love is all you need, if you can find it.
why do ppl cut and why are they depressed…they are but they want ppl to reach out nad touch them and help them thats why they say something..there are alotta ppl who say they are depressed and they are but they dont wanna b like that and htey obviously need ur help. so help…
ive been thinkin about cuttin
nice entry. i’m a cutter also. i dont think anybody understands what it feels like…..oh well.
im 14, and i cut my wrists. I like watching the blood drip from my wrists.
well im 14 and ive been cutting since 4th grade and im now in 8th. i kno yall might think its too young, but the things that have happened in my lyf are things that shouldnt b happening to a teen. i do it on my arms but theres not much space so i have to start doing it somewhere else. my parents dont kno b/c i wear a jacket around the house wether its hot or cold.
ive been depressed since 6th grade, im currently in 10th. ive been in and out of hospitals and on a buncha different medications and yet i am still depressed. ive attempted suicide several times, and even through all this… cutting is the only thing, and still is the only thing that makes me feel good, even for a brief second. people in this world need to understand the real pain some people, like the people who have left comments on here, feel. and if someone is a cutter, they know what they are doing.. so people shouldn’t try to stop them. i really relate to you.. i ran across your journal somehow. sorry for wasting space though. email me sometime
I am not going to tell you that you should stop. I think that you realy are depressed and that you want to talk about it so you won’t be depresses. I know how you feel. Well no I can’t say I do. I cutt myself but I am not you. E-mail me if you are up to giving me advice.
umm ,hi I am a very depressed person and barely talk to others and share my feelings i only have like 3 friends and actually i dont really know it you could say their really my friends but anyway forget that im not on medication yet, but i probbly soon will be. I hate my life and i think about killing my self offten and i cut my self almost everydy.
im 14 n im a cutter iv been doin this sence 7th grade n im n 9th now. the only reason y i do it is cuz i feel lyk tht is the only thing i can take my pain out on but after i cut my wrist i dont have tht pain anymore.. jus lyk 2 nyt i cut myself cuz my bf dumped my n it made me sad n mad n depressed n i hide my cuts cuz i dont want any1 2 kno bout it but the only reason y i do it is becuz it makes me feel good cuz i kno tht i dont have the anger after i do it… s0o0o i came kinda relate 2 wht u r sayin…
i am just another 14 year old teenager trying to find a easy pain reliver and i just happened to choose cutting but then on day i meet this guy he makes me so happy but he doesn’t like cuttin he trys to make it better but some things just can’t be changed and i have done really well i have wanted to cut so many times in the past 3 months but he has all ways been there to relive my depressen.but out of all the things that i have done and heard people say about me i just can’t stand when people call me our any of my friends emos i mean they have no idea what i have been through and i am not lookin 4 someone to pitty me i am lookin 4 people to stop judgeing me 4 who i am.