i erased most of my last message. i changed my mind about the situation.
who is reading this? why am i writing this. the confessions of a silly girl who doesn’t know what she wants from life. to take some pills and die, probably choke on my vomit. slit my wrists in the bathtub and watch the water turn pink and then red.
school has started again and i feel very odd about it. it’s such a change from the work/home schedule i had for most of the summer. i wonder if my classmates notice the scars. i wonder if they see me with contempt. another girl screaming for attention through blood and razor blades. never mind that she is bent over her desk writing another angsty poem. will i forever be fifteen at heart? i feel so young, yet so old.
i burned my arm the other day. lit a candle and heated metal over it. pressed it against my skin repeatedly. it hurt. instinct tells you to pull the metal away from your skin. i say fuck instinct. ’twas prior to my new contract with my new therapist so i don’t really have to tell her. i guess i probably should, though. the wound turned different colors. i peeled the crust off yesterday at school (not in from of other people).
i still have my fake teeth. they hurt a little, not so much anymore. i can’t wait until i get my new teeth. i keep reminding myself. no purging. now that i go to school i can skip lunch and start eating less. oh, wait. therapist wants me to call when i skip meals. fuck. i hate that.
Cut flowers are alawyas beautiful ,even if we know they are going to die. We never want them to and we try always to keep them as long as we can.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better..
well, if you ever need someone to talk to just email me, aim: psychoticangelx7, yahoo: mysticdragonbebe, msn: sinful_euphoria@hotmail.com
hey. i really like your site and your journal, great job.
i know this is unrelated to your entry, but i wanted to tell you i am reading the unabridged journals of sylvia plath as well, and i hope you are enjoying it. it’s very interesting.
Hey just wanted to let you know that i’m reading and that i care. I’m BlackStar from Safe Haven if you care. Feel free to email or add me to messnger if you wanna talk.
I’m reading. Thanks for sharing. I wish I could take your pain away. Email me anytime.
I stumbled across your site and just wanted to say I can relate to how you’re feeling in a lot of different ways… i recently turned 25 but i don’t feel it in some ways, and in other ways feel like i’m a hundred. I hate it when people tell me they know I’m going to get through it (how the fuck do they know?) so I’ll just say you’re not alone.
hey, i can completley relate to you. and i know that one of the best things to have is someone to talk to to. someone who has expiranced the same things as you. so if you feel like it email me, or Instant Messange me at: xdist0rtdimagex
ok i feel stupid i forgot to leave my email, darkxdreamer@hellokitty.com , yeah its lame but whatever