i finally got around to an appointment with the social security administration. something i should have done ages ago. they told me to quit my job immediately. immediately. that means i won’t ever get rehired and i really loved my coworkers. the job sucked but the people were great.
i quit just a few hours ago and apologized for the short notice. there wasn’t much else i could do. my case worker told me to do it so i did. otherwise my claim is dead in the water right then. not that it will get approved the first time around. oh no, i’ve heard people tell me horror stories about getting disability.
so, i’m basically unemployed and will have little extra money. that worries me because of my message board and website. this little small website of my journal and personal writing could be supported easily with twenty dollars a month but my main self-injury website requires quite a bit more. i don’t want to give it up but i know the money will run out soon enough with all the expenses at school and gas and the like and, yes, the bill for the server. people on the message board are being so supportive and some are going to give donations. i hope this keeps the site afloat until i get my disability and ssi. after that i should be fine. the ssi will give me at least $330 a month and i’m not sure about the disability. if i didn’t live at home i’d be completely screwed. i know i’m lucky that having money to drive to school is all i have to worry about. it makes me feel small. i still worry.
now i’ll be a complete dependant and i won’t have extra money that i’ve made myself through work. i keep telling myself, ‘you’re not that sick.’ then i remember them sticking the needle in my wrist while i was so out of it and i didn’t even flinch. the last seven years have been hell and the only reason i’m doing half so well is because my mother makes me take my medication. otherwise i’d still be palming the pills and i’d have crashed at least once or twice by now. that scares me. all that’s between me and a suicide attempt is a couple weeks worth of pills.
Hey lady, Ill be your buddy. Ive recently become totally unemployed lately (dui) and ive become pretty cheap and bored lately. Anyhow, I know this probably isn’t the best time to ask, but pleeeaaaaase host me. I already did the civilized aprroach, but I got impatient. I promise that if you host me you won’t (entirely) regret doing it.
– Your New Pal Daniel (doesn’t that sound good?)
i came across your site while looking for images of ‘sarcophagus’, so randomly I guess. but after reading some things about you i have to say that you really sound like a unique, creative person with alot of potential, and a hell of alot to deal with.
Gee, you come across very calm for a person who has so much to be ‘agitated’ about. I wish you strength, health, empowerment, peace!
Natalie, I wrote you an e-mail.
Daniel, I also wrote you an e-mail.