i got stuck in a psych hospital for a week. i just got out yesterday. it was a much better experience than last time. no creepy guys and their obnoxious friends harassing me. someone did seem to have an issue with me being so quiet and not "helpful". apparently we're supposed to dedicate ourselves to helping people while being in the hospital. i just don't agree. it is nice to share with other people but the first few days i'm wary/paranoid and just hide in bed. not because people are dangerous but because i don't like people in person and they are overwhelming. later on l'm able to talk with people if they talk to me first and I'm sure they at least like me somewhat. my doctor in the hospital said this was a lot of social anxiety. a diagnosis of sorts? except she also had a question mark next to bipolar. where the fuck is my mania then? just lows and averages.
better than thinking i'm schizophrenic. haha. i don't know what i am. doesn't really matter. never really cared much before and i've never read a book on depression or bipolar. the doctor was all like 'don't get stuck on the diagnosis'. i've never asked before and i think after seven years in treatment i have the right to be curious. this is a damn fucking long time to be messed up. sorry, too much. it just makes me angry.
i've gone out in my car twice today. that's pretty good.
i found out that they didn't find all my blades. i'm sort of unsure as what to do. telling on myself is out of the question and i have had urges to self-injure. yeah.
