i don't usually notice this sort of thing because i'm usually off in my own little world at school. i'm walking by these guys and they're like 'look at that babe' and keep making comments, ending with something to the effect that i need to get fucked or in a relationship. it just annoyed me. i'm not sure why. i just felt like i was a slab of meat getting sniffed over by a pair of dogs. i know it seems stupid and i've been told much worst but it annoyed me. i guess i'm annoyed by the fact people seem to think i should be honored that some guy or another paid attention to me… even if it's being talked at. it just brings up the fact that i want to wanted for more than my looks (which aren't even that great).
my uncle just tried to kill himself. i don't want to go into details but it involved a relationship. it wasn't some random thing because he's tried before when he was heavily involved in drugs.
i just don't want the same thing for me. i don't want to try to attempt suicide over some guy (or girl). i can see myself doing that. that's why i've always been the one to coldly end any form of attachment with a person who's interested in me or who i am interested in. yeah, that thing with my co-worker lasted about half a year but i stopped talking to him without warning.
whatever. school is all right. i've done the reading. well, need a few more pages but that shouldn't take long. i love my english classes and loathe my theater class. religion seems its going to be fascinating. there's a bit of politics in there. i'm glad i decided to add that class.
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today. apparently sh was hacked. fixed it up. went to school. put in the finishing touches after i got home. i forgot my glasses and somehow i didn't feel so self-conscious. yesterday i was very self-conscious. i thought people were looking at me and every time i heard someone laugh i was afraid they were laughing at me. i thought people in cars were following me. just, i don't know if i can get through another month of this.
i have a poem someone gave me some suggestions on. maybe i'll finish it within the next few days.
