i've become infatuated. really pathetic. all of my infatuations have been one-sided messes.
i've started on a poem and i couldn't figure out how to end it. we were talking about the play the cannibals that our class is assigned to see (well, we have to see it, not exactly in a field trip) and something that the person who wrote the play said struck me as brilliant. we were watching a promotional film for the play and i had to write it down. i think i'm going to use it in the poem. saying who it's from, of course.
some days i think i'm fine. others i think i'm going mad. i hide behind my hair and every whisper, every laugh, every glance is like an icepick going through my brain. i went out with my family and i felt ok except i was anxious about the people at the next table talking about me as i smoked. i wanted to be one of them. one of the beautiful, elegant people. it was so much easier than some other days where i want to just hide.
everybody has somebody to love them. i feel so lonely. my sister has a boy. my brother has a girl. i have nobody and part of me is glad but part of me just wants to end it right now. mixed feelings. most of the time i'm perfectly all right with it but at night it'd be just easier to hurt and then not.
i had a dream about my uncle. you fucker, i hate you. why couldn't you just let it alone? fuck you. fuck you.
I feel alone 2. I’ve written U B4 but I don’t know if U get this.
I haven’t seen you write me before but it might have gotten lost amongst the spam. I’m sorry you feel alone. It’s a hard feeling, isn’t it? <3
dont feel like that you know i
I know you what? You’ve caught my interest.
Its been a while since I’ve written, I didn’t think you’d write back, I re-read the comment you sent and seen you wrote back… you wrote new poems… I like them.
Thank you, I’m glad you like the new poems.