i’ve finally got a moment to breathe after school. well, at least as of last thursday. i was a regular essay machine, typing out one after another. finally managed to figure out to adrienne rich’s common language. it seemed too idealistic to me, especially considering the time she came out with the book. common language that includes the masses, people who’d rather watch television than read poetry. i haven’t read much poetry myself in the past month beyond adrienne rich and mina loy. i still think loy is a goddess. fuck, i’d kill for her style of writing but i have to stick with the pale incomparable one i have.
i was re-reading my fanfiction. incestual tom/ginny plus implications of ginny/arthur. delicious. i also re-read a draco/lucius i’d written last year and nearly choked upon seeing how clumsy it was. i should probably post them here, if anybody cares.
how do you deal with not wanting someone to hurt? i don’t know. i’m sorry.
christmas was good. i wasn’t in the hospital. i remember the year i spent thanksgiving with my tofu in the shape of a turkey. most people don’t seem to know that vegetarianism is an excellent way of hiding eating disorders. well, unless they’re in communities circling around self-destruction.
i got a lot more presents than i thought i would. i passed out mid-afternoon but got through most of the festivities. i’m so tired most of the time. just so fucking tired.
i’m fucked because i forgot to cancel a charge and it’s going to hurt.
I know its too early to say happy new year, but merry christmass slipped right by me. so… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! My new years resolution is to stop being broke all the time.
an occasional cruiser of your blog. i might have commented on individual entries but for being unsure that ones lower down were still read. i read the sh rant, other bits.
am aware of the way you live a little vicariously through the site, which would, the site being the way it is (and people that are on it), have its ups and downs.
i tend to notice if you haven’t been around a couple of days and so my mind turns to something that might have gone wrong with the site, as well as your own individual things.
i could go on and on, but i won’t. i’m glad you’re seemingly doing better, as well as catching some breath in between schoolwork. i’m also glad for something else (and this might seem strange, so forgive me in advance), that you yourself said. “[...]i’m a bitch. i’m glad i am”.
thankyou for being you.
daniel. a happy new year to you, too. good luck with your resolution. i hope it works out and you get some money. *g*
phil. the comment didn’t show up earlier because i need to validate them so that i don’t get tons of viagra spam. i do live vicariously through the site. i wish i didn’t but c’est la vie… so far. some days i don’t feel much like talking because i feel so distant from what’s going on, so cold about it. not strange. it was a true comment. thank you.
Give up drugs, give up smoking, stop thinking too much and get a life!
You still have the time but the clock is always ticking. Do not underestimate the number of tickings you are left with…
Just a friend passing by your blogs…
Take care!
i usually spend most of my time studying towards my degree. *shrugs* i wish i could get off the prescribed drugs but every time i do for a significant amount of time i become unable to function (i become paranoid like). i don’t smoke (i think i made a typo once about smoking). i definitely do think too much during the time i have.
i don’t think it’s as easy as getting a life. i used to work until the government told me to stop so that i could get disability. disability was so that that the medical bills could be paid.
i think i’m beyond the point where i make much of my ‘issues’ outside of the message board or the blog. i haven’t told real life people since high school. none of their business.
sadly enough, i think this is the closest i’ve come to getting a life since high school. i can function. i can laugh. i don’t worry overmuch about what i eat. i haven’t hurt myself since mid-november. all that is missing are friends.
thanks…