prozac killed the poet

A title going around on my message board. It’s true, medication seems to often sap the creative drive of a writer and, likely, other artists. Suddenly it’s not so easy to put together words, form images that will carry a piece, find new ways of phrasing things. Out trot the tired cliches from past writing. If I usually wrote on paper there would be wads of paper all over my desk. This is all thanks to medication that rewires our brains into feeling human. Perhaps a lesser human than previously, one that stumbles when it comes to finding their muse. I don’t particularly think that mental illness usually makes one brilliant or creative but losing that part that makes you able to write several different works a month makes it almost worth it to throw those pills away and regain whatever it was that made words come so easily.

I have managed to begin a memoir of sorts. I’m not sure if I will ever complete it though I’ve been urged to by family. It just seems like masturbation in some ways but in others it’s interesting looking back and seeing the journey between fucked up and ‘fine’. ‘Fine’ is being able to look at yourself and find that you care if tomorrow happens.

Not much to report in my life. School and yet more school. I whittled down to two classes because I was told I had no need for the other. It seems the list may shrink down to one if I write a letter to get my Advanced Placement grade. Then, after this semester, two classes until graduation. I don’t know whether to be excited or dreading that final detachment from the umbilical cord. I opt for an uneasy medium, planning what may or may not happen.

Commented: Crystal Gabrielle

the chateau of my heart

I’ve been feeling a bit lonely. It’s an annoying feeling. I was added on Facebook by some old high school friends and I realized I hadn’t seen some of these people in years. I;ve been in stasis for more years than I can count.

I’ve been having fun capitalizing old fanfiction and adding it to fanfiction.net. I’ve gotten some comments and favorites and that really made my day. I usually only share my written work on Safe Haven and a few of my least favorite pieces on my writing website.

Finally, I’m done watching movies for my Fiction and Film class. It’s been fun but coming out of class at 10 at night was annoying. I turned in my final paper on Thursday and I’m going to turn in my response journal on Tuesday and will take the final exam. Then I’m done with school for a whole six days. I don’t think I’m a better critic than I used to be (I’ve always been a poor critic) but I liked quite a few of the movies we watched.

If you remember that person I took interest in over the summer. I realized he really cares for this other woman and I’m really happy for him. I feel only friendship for him and it’s freeing. I was really happy and despairing for a while at the same time but now I can breathe.

A poem I wrote the day before Christmas.

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