getting ahead and pride&prejudice

i’ve been staying ahead on the reading and essay-writing for school work. i’ve never been this productive but no matter how much i do i feel i’m going to mess up and fail. it’s an annoying feeling.

my parent’s divorce is almost final. my father has come a long way since they first decided. back then he was so angry and ‘crazy’. now he’s calm and we go out about once a week. it’s good to be able to spend time with my father without worrying that he’s going to blow up at me or that he’s going to start talking about the issues he was having with my mother. he still doesn’t take his medication but he seems to be managing his depression somehow.

i’ve been reading fitzwilliam darcy, gentleman. i was surprised to learn it began as fanfiction on the internet. it’s rare but i guess some writers do get discovered through fanfiction. maybe the difference is that her source was in public domain and is beautifully written. yes, it’s fanfiction but it feels true to the original story. the second book of the series has little to do with the romance aspect but it was interesting. nothing at all like mr. darcy takes a wife which was just badly written pride&prejudice smut. it was entertaining but it was still nothing more than sex scenes with a tiny bit of plot about the war with napolean. ah well, anything with darcy and elizabeth being romantic catches my fancy.

school begins again

i’m going back to school today and i’m a bit intimidated by the fact. i was out of school for about five or so months due to the medical leave of absence. i’m going to be applying for a new school for the spring semester. i love creative writing, i really do. i just know i won’t really be able to do much with it. i need to move on and finally try for a career i can do.

there’s been a heat wave the past several days. thank god for air conditioning. the news says it’s going to be cooling down over the next few days. i went to the mall and it was like it was christmas, there were so many people.

good news. i haven’t self-injured in about five months. that’s just about the longest i’ve gone without. i rarely think about it and i’ve only once seriously considered self-injuring in that timeframe. i worry that the medication might stop working but, so far, it’s been great. i have felt like i don’t want to live anymore but i don’t take it seriously. that was more out of frustration with my life than anything.

i’m reading the things they carried by tim o’brien. i’m enjoying it so far. it feels more than just a collection of short stories on the vietnam war and i was surprised to find that there is humor. the characters are memorable in that they are all flawed and that they are more than just stereotypes. i’ve never really read war-based fiction and i’m glad that i read this book first.

Commented: Agnieszka bluestarrgurl Natsuko gabrielle