i’m sorry i posted the last rant. i was very overwhelmed and not sure what to do. i let one comment get to me and subjected all my friends to something i shouldn’t have. i’m sorry. the reason i’m not deleting it was because the anger was genuine and, well, i don’t like erasing my mistakes because that makes me feel i’m denying their existence.

i need to answer an e-mail that is very important to me. i just need to be in the right frame of mind.

moving on. we finally got through kushner’s angels in america. brilliant book though some might think it vulgar. just the modernity of it was enough to attract my attention. when the angel appears and prior makes a comment about steven spielberg.

Harper: Oh. In my church we don’t believe in homosexuals.
Prior: In my church we don’t believe in Mormons.
nice repartee. except, of course, that prior is the one without power.

a boy in my class is going to do his essay on harper’s addiction and how sometimes people “ok” their actions or addictions (in the case of his friend’s father, prescription drugs) or beliefs through an authority figure. whether it be god or a church or a doctor or anybody else, it doesn’t matter. it made perfect sense the way he put it. i was envious that he could do an essay on addiction. i don’t want to imitate or copy. not because i want to be original but because plagiarizing a classmate’s idea is rather low.

i think i might somehow connect adrienne rich’s poetry with… something. lesbianism? feminism? i’ve already done the feminist aspect in one essay for this class. poetry is generally easier for me to handle though i did also adore my antonia, as i lay dying and angels in america.

wow, nearly three am. i’m going to visit with my father on friday. he’s been great the past few weeks. no longer wants to fight. has given up talk radio. has given up politics, mostly. he says that my life is worth more than anything else. than all the rest of his issues. i won’t have anybody to talk politics with but that’s not the only thing to discuss.

oh, and i hate ezra pound.