to spend as little time as possible on my sites besides working on the technical aspects. the last week was fairly low key. i registered for my classes. no workshop. fuck, i was pissed. just… i didn't want that teacher and the time was atrocious. give me lisa glatt anyday, at least i know she won't mind if i write about sex or anything off the beaten path.

i need to buy my schoolbooks. i have two (or was it three) english classes. one was in twentieth century literature and the other was in american poetry. forgot the last. then i wanted to take an easy class. nothing fit my schedule or needs (rateyourprofessor.com is amazing) so i decided to take a religion class. never mind that i'm atheist but, eh, learning about it shouldn't be so hard. it's not like they're supposed to convert me.

i've not been writing. just no inspiration. i have a poem saved. i'll show it to somebody and ask their opinion before i post it. i also need to give reviews on a few people's poems. i've been telling myself to but i always get sidetracked.  

i feel rather embarrassed about my loss of touch with reality. it was the first time it happened so completely that every fiber of my being believed the things i was babbling to my mother. i've had my brushes with paranoia but i always thought those were just pack and parcel with being me. just, i lost it. for a few days.

i'm embarrassed to tell the doctor. he's a good doctor but i just feel stupid about my reactions to a lot of things. i mean, i feel i functioned pretty well for being almost completely out my mind with fear, but… i don't know, it's embarrassing for me to let people see me lose control. i'm vulnerable at those moments and anything could have made me crumble, it felt.

i'm promising myself to call the doctor tomorrow. i really don't think this medication is as effective. maybe try a new one because i'm sure not going back on the old one.

i brushed my hair (lost quite a bit because of all the tangles), my teeth, washed my clothes, took a shower, etc. it helped me feel halfway human again