if i don't shape up now i'm going to fall apart until i won't be able to be put back together. i've never felt this before. this disintegration of self, of thoughts fragmenting. it's not about suicide or depression or social anxiety. i don't know what it is. all i have is a diagnosis that until a few days back seemed to be nothing but hot air (well, there were a few incidents but no big deal to me).
i need to get a medication change to something more effective. the doctor won't be in until monday. i don't know how to reach my therapist. i'm frightened. i need help. more than anyone here can give me. i feel alone and i know that i'm going to go to bed terrified that if i come downstairs someone will try to kill me and that i won't get that drink of water.
i can't run something if my mind is not functioning. all i do is seem to be getting worst. maybe she was right. all i can say is that i'm sorry. i wish i could help you. i see all the pain and i want to help.
Aug
2006
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