I’m also happy to say that three of my poems have been accepted for publication in a magazine! It’s a quarterly one and I got an acceptance letter a couple of weeks ago. First publication of anything that I’ve sent in. I’d been too scatter-brained and certain of rejection to really try before.

Pictures.

On a side note, even without constant workshops I’ve written over a hundred pages of poetry since the beginning of 2006.

I finished wrapping presents today. I’m such a procrastinator.

I’m thinking of delaying graduation to May so my parents can see me walk. I’m not sure if a delay is possible this late, though. I just want to give my parents something since they did help me through university and helped me get this far. Without them I’m sure I would not have gotten here.

If I can’t delay it, I can’t delay it.

I went to Vegas for two days. It was so much colder than the other times I’ve gone. There was snow on the sides of the roads on the way there. However, it was pretty nice. I didn’t drink much (to my friend’s chagrin) or gamble. I got a cute bag and matching wallet. The bag was my Christmas present and I got the wallet myself. :happy:

I can’t believe it. Finally going to be a university graduate. Took me longer than I’d hoped but understandable because of all of my hospitalizations and everything.

The professor lectured and it took about half an hour to get everything done and my brother was waiting outside in the rain because I thought it was only going to take five minutes. I’d invited him inside but he thought it’d only take a short time and when I went to look for him he wasn’t there.

Been busy the past few days. Met up with some friends from grade school yesterday. It was a really nice time, no awkwardness.

Almost forgot to say. I’m the proud owner of sleepwalking.nu. Haven’t set it up yet but I’m happy with the name. :sqee:

The semi-incestuous story and the rest of the portfolio was turned in today. Seven page essay, a 2591 word short story, my reading journal, my writing exercises, everything. I have one more class (a different one) and only just to turn in my final project. After that I should be a graduate! I really hope I don’t flub this up somehow, I keep getting worried.

I’m thinking of going into IT. I love writing scripts. I think with some schooling I might be worth employing. Perhaps. It’s a big leap for me since I keep going back and forth. Half a year I’d decided on it. A month later I’d decided against it again. I think it would be the best choice for me, though. The medical field is for my family, it’s not for me. I’d be rubbish at being a respiratory therapist. I don’t have steady hands so being a surgical tech would be a disaster. I feel that I should do what I love. I am worried that I will come to hate doing what I love because it becomes a job but I have to take that chance.

I need to edit ten pages of poetry for my final project. Not quite sure what I should do with them. I’m afraid they’re not good enough. I know they’re not good. Really, only a three to four page essay left to do. I can manage that in six days, right?

My semi-incestuous story is about 2580 words. Imagine that from the paltry less than a thousand it started at. It feels more complete, more story like. I’m pleased with it though I still feel it’s not the best it could be. I was talking with a classmate and her story also started off as fanfiction. I was pleasantly surprised and pleased. Since my original fanfiction had a rather OOC Peter Pevensie it was fairly easy to make him an original character. I’m glad I kept the archery aspect, archery is always something I’ve been fascinated with.

I won a ‘free domain’ from the Name Cheap contest over at Twitter. I have my eye on one, maybe if I win again I will get it (it’s a .nu). That would mean mean I have five domains. Yikes!

New smilies for this blog and I also have started reviewing some movies since I’ve been catching movies in theaters lately. Once it’s on DVD I rarely, if ever, watch anything. It’s terrible but I can’t concentrate and I don’t really have a DVD player hooked up to my screen (I use a flat screen TV as my computer screen).

Stressed. Graduation is so close I can almost taste it. Good news is that unless I royally fuck things up I should pass my classes. Also, my books have started arriving!

Summer has gone pretty well so far. It’s almost over. I went on a two and a half day trip to Las Vegas. Then we headed north to Northern California. Carmel was one of the stops on the way and was a beautiful little town, the walk uphill to the stores is a bit steep but it’s definitely worth it. Still, horrid food in Monterey, it was hard to tell which was fish or chicken… it tasted that much the same.

San Francisco was very busy but the crepe place was excellent and I liked walking up and down the pier. The ride in the horse drawn carriage was a first. I can’t recall another experience like it, just a moment to unwind during a busy vacation where it was go go go. The Napa Valley was also beautiful and there was much wine! I gave my wine tasting pass to my brother (yes, he’s legally able to drink).

I finally got the Short Stories workshop. I’m rather nervous because I haven’t written a real short story in a long time. Two classes and my BA is mine. Part of me wonders if I’ll fail at the last moment. It hasn’t happened yet but it could and there’s this childish feeling that I’ll jinx myself by saying I’ll graduate in December and that’s that.

I’m still wondering how I got here, one semester away from graduation. It doesn’t seem I put that much effort into it… despite all the anxious finals and the mental health issues that got worst during times of great academic stress. Do I deserve this?

The tentative answer is: yes.

It sort of amazes me, sometimes, that I’m still alive and am now going to be graduating. My parents never expected me to live past my twenty-first birthday. I never expected to live past my twenty-first birthday. The summer before university began I was seventeen, suicidal, and took my first major overdose less than two weeks after I graduated high school. I spent six or seven weeks in two psychiatric hospitals and came out unwilling to try for a better life. I was convinced self-destruction was my calling, it was the only thing I was good at.

Up until then I had only written a few horrible Dawson’s Creek fanfictions. I went to a poetry reading my first semester of university and began writing poetry ocasionally. My first semester of university was the only one where I attempted to be a part of the university community.

Since then, I changed my major to Creative Writing. I considered and decided against going into the medical field. I decided against becoming a psychologist. I’d love to become a writer but poets don’t make money.

I love writing scripts. It’s what I’d like to do with some formal training.

I haven’t cut or hurt myself myself since the beginning of April 2007. I haven’t purged since early Winter 2008. My last overdose was Fall 2006. I haven’t been hospitalized since April 2007. I haven’t been in therapy since 2007.

I’m alive.

I have managed to begin a memoir of sorts. I’m not sure if I will ever complete it though I’ve been urged to by family. It just seems like masturbation in some ways but in others it’s interesting looking back and seeing the journey between fucked up and ‘fine’. ‘Fine’ is being able to look at yourself and find that you care if tomorrow happens.

Not much to report in my life. School and yet more school. I whittled down to two classes because I was told I had no need for the other. It seems the list may shrink down to one if I write a letter to get my Advanced Placement grade. Then, after this semester, two classes until graduation. I don’t know whether to be excited or dreading that final detachment from the umbilical cord. I opt for an uneasy medium, planning what may or may not happen.