I was driving home from school a couple of weeks ago after it had been raining. It was wet and miserable. Then I looked up and there was a rainbow. The walk home from school this week where it was windy and I couldn’t stop smiling. It made it worth it. This might sound like stupid, sentimental tripe but these little moments I keep having keep me moving from day to day. I can’t say the past two months have been easy and blogging has been on my mind but I’m rather afraid of coming off as more ill than I am or — even more shameful — as less. There’s been a reemergence of old symptoms, probably my body is stuffed to the gills with the medication and is used to it.
Despite everything going to school, learning a bit of binary, even learning Access and Excel are when I have my best moments. Where I feel connected to other people and even though I don’t talk about anything important I feel good about what I’m talking about.
I’m learning to take joy in tiny things even as everything else is coming apart and I’m not sure what the proper response to that is. I don’t want to be one of those people who will find miserable things to say to other people (e.g. ‘I did —- with my friend at a party’ ‘I hate parties’).
I’m either sentimental or miserable (which I don’t verbalize in the fashion of the example I made because that’s just toxic). There need to be more options.
